A Story about Fears

In 2013, my biggest fear was not getting a seat on the train.

It felt so big because I was suffering from fatigue after my cancer treatment and everything was tiring. I had left my corporate job and I was re-training as a life coach, specialising in stress relief.

I had done what I thought was the scary thing. To leave my well paid job with all its comforts and benefits. But having to stand on a long train journey (to get to my coaching training), would exhaust me. I would plan things meticulously so I could get an early train, get on the right carriage that would be empty, but I would mostly still have to stand. I would then worry about having a full day of training. And then travelling home.

I used all my stress management skills that I had learned, to give myself as much strength as possible and eventually, over time, I was strong enough to keep going. I’m not worried or scared about getting a seat on the train. When I’m going through a bout of fatigue now, I choose not to actually get on the train at all, rather than battle through it. But if I do, or I have commitments I can’t change, I know I will get through it.

Because I know this. It will always be okay. And I will always another fear that’s most prominent in my life.

Today my fear tends to be about securing my future. To feel stable and have a business in helping people relieve their stress and burnout, whilst living a happy and healthy life myself. I keep learning and working through the fears anyway.

So here’s what I know. What I would tell the me, in 2013, who struggled so much to see past her fear of not getting a seat on the train:

  • Your fear feels like the biggest one, right now, but there will always be another one.

 

  • Whatever the fear, you’ll always get through it.

 

  • You’ll never know everything, so don’t even try. Go with what you know right now.

 

  • You’ll always find the help you need.

 

  • You already know what you need.

 

  • It’s ok to have regrets. It’s ok to mess up. It’s ok to feel tired. You will get up again.

 

  • You know more than you know, and that’s what will get you through.

 

  • Never give up on what you want. It’s real.

 

  • What you do now, will set you up for years to come. Keep going.

 

  • Your beauty is in your vulnerability to share your truth with others. Always share it.

 

  • You’ll feel guilty about resting and slowing down, but there will come a time when there will be no more guilt.

 

  • You’re always doing your best, even when you think you can be doing more.

 

  • Do what feels important to you, even if others don’t understand it or don’t value it as much as you.

 

  • Follow your heart. Always. Only you can know what you need.

 

  • One day, despite all the mistakes and fuck ups, you’ll trust yourself.

 

  • One day, you’ll stop giving yourself a hard time.

 

  • One day, whatever you do will be enough.

 

Having your own business is hard. And hard work. I love what I do and have some amazing opportunities to witness and support some wonderful people, who want to live a happier and healthier life. I cannot imagine a life where I wouldn’t help people, in some form.

I can also now acknowledge when I need additional help, so I’m looking forward to starting a new short term assignment next week, helping some students with their finances. It’s temporary and useful when my work can be quiet at times.

I feel excited because it means I get to be part of a team again for a while AND I get to continue doing my own stress relief work on the side. It’s full time work. I’m aware I will be tired again. Especially as I’m currently also coaching a group of prison wardens in building their resilience. So it’s going to take time to settle.

Here’s the difference. I know I can hear what my body needs now, and act on that. I can be kind to myself. Slow down and rest without guilt. And then get up again.

Here’s the thing about following your dreams. You can never know what it actually looks like. You just have to keep taking the steps.

So keep going.

I’m sharing this because it’s my truth and it might resonate for someone else, too.

Amarjot x

 
About Amarjot
Amarjot helps support people through stress and burnout and re-building your life on the other side. She believes anyone can live a happier and healthier life, no matter how stuck they feel, and that finding your own way to heal and nourish yourself is important. Amarjot believes that the crux of everything in her life comes back to self-compassion and self-love, which allows her to be stronger for everyone else. She keeps learning about this, every day.
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